Miffed again...
I ran into a friend at the feed store, where there were bedding plants for sale. Connie was asking me about the perennials that I "still have left" for sale, so I was "talking the talk", hoping she'd come over to look.
I've groomed Connie's dogs for almost 20 years.. one after the other, as their long lives play out in her home. I believe I've done a good job, and Connie always seems perfectly satisfied. Many times I've picked up and delivered her dogs without charge. As we stood and talked, I noticed that her oldest little dog was groomed, and I had a little brain fart, saying, "Oh, did I just groom Magic? ", to which Connie replied, "No, that's a Carol Ann job."
Carol Ann is the "new" pet groomer in the valley who lives very near where I used to live in Dunster, which is about 30 km. from McBride. I struggled with this notion of losing one of my best customers to her, and asked Connie, "Oh, are you friends through work ?" It was none of my damned business, but I thought that if they are friends from working at the hospital, I wouldn't feel so unhappy about this. Connie said, well, they'd just met.
I pathetically said, "I didn't screw up, did I ?", to which Connie replied "Oh, no...", and that was the end of the conversation. I feel some professional jealousy and some garden variety jealousy. What else can I say that doesn't sound idiotic?
So, I was feeling pretty insecure, when the owner of the feed store drove in. She had sold 21 perennials "for me" from the greenhouse, and I thought she'd enjoy another INFUSION of different ones, so I asked if she wanted more. Crystal replied, "No, we got some from elsewhere." Not "Thanks anyway", or "Go get your money from inside", or "Kiss my ass!" or ANYTHING.
I think this weblog entry reads as if I think I should be the only game in town for pet grooming OR perennial plants! My stepmother always told me that I didn't have to be the ONLY business offering something, if I was the BEST! I don't have much confidence. I'm very earnest and working so hard, but never feel better than anyone else, and I don't mind feeling humble. It's that I don't know, IF I'M DOING A GOOD JOB, why people aren't loyal?
I'm not sure what's the matter with me today. I feel like bawling my eyes out. Gary had to rush back to Winnipeg this week for the funeral of his grandpa, who died at 98. Not many people are in serious mourning about the man's death, as he was VERY old and NOT a very nice person. But my point is that Gary's not here to listen to me. I think I'm just feeling a little run down... still too HEAVY and that adds to my exhaustion, of course. I can feel muscle build as I work around the yard, and THAT is a good feeling, but maybe I'm somewhat overwhelmed by the amount of work I've created for myself.
So the best solution is to either get back at the weeding and forget my ego, or sit with a beer and relax (while making the decision to NOT feel sorry for myself!). We have had such beautiful weather that a person should simply feel blessed and grateful.
Thanks for "listening", dear reader. Will be back soon.
~Ann
