Odd times…
Myrtle has been ensconced in the hospital for several weeks, all rehydrated and partly rehabilitated and waiting for a room in an “assisted living facility”. I keep hearing a voice say “nursing home” in my head. My oldest daughter Shelly has done a wonderful job of stepping up to the plate, choosing the best of the facilities of this kind so that Granny can be on a waiting list. Then, this afternoon (actually, now YESTERDAY) Shelly got a phonecall and then let the rest of us know: Myrtle has her space available and will be transferred there tomorrow.
It has finally come to this. This chapter in a long life, mostly well lived, hardly fits the dynamic, successful and intelligent person that it’s written for. I am hoping that in a more “social” setting that is a “care home”, Myrtle may feel happier, though she has shown amazing acceptance of the decree that she can’t care for herself anymore. I will help with the “move” later today (this being Friday, though wee hours) and show some courage in order to help this transition go smoothly, and will be as cheerful and matter-of-fact as I can. Not phony though… will just do what I’m able, in order to show my love and support.
I feel frustrated and troubled though. None of us know what lies ahead, certainly, but my stepmother seemed to sabotage the efforts of others in their attempts to keep her comfortable and safe in her own home. My youngest daughter Kim moved in with Granny and did a marvelous job of watching over her. Myrtle, however, would often refuse food or water (or other healthful drinks) and then smoke too much and wash prescribed meds down with sherry. This state of decline and jeopardy continued, with other family and friends trying to support Myrtle’s “independant living” until she was too ill (again) to stay out of hospital. We all worried constantly, while visiting and helping all we could.
I just want to run and run until I wink out… live, love, enjoy whatever intellect and passion I have. I’m sure that most of the elderly or brain-injured who we see in “nursing homes” once wanted the same for themselves.
On a profoundly lighter note… all three of my beloved daughters and Shelly’s fiance, Merv, were with me at Myrtle’s house for Indian food tonight. I have managed to see a fair bit of my family while in Calgary, which is amazing considering their work, school, and study schedules. It is hard to describe the feeling in my heart as I visit with the girls; they get along so well and have such lively discussions around me. They are all so accomplished in their own ways; I feel that they are intellectually superiour to me but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying our times together. I was lying awake for hours this night, just reviewing our lives, examining the things I should have done better, wish I hadn’t done or said, and what I might do differently in years to come. A lifetime seems to pass in the blink of an eye.
Anyway, I’ve exhausted myself counting thoughts instead of sheep and wishing for sleep… so I guess I’ll go back to try again. Thanks for reading my blog. I’ll soon be back in the Robson Valley, missing my daughters terribly but feeling “in my element” again and preparing for winter.
