Friday again!
I can’t BELIEVE the speed at which the weeks go by. It’s like an assembly line at which I can’t grab all the great moments because they fly by so fast. It’s GOOD to “live life with a Capital L”, but I keep getting the feeling that the WHOLE THING is too short a time, on this earth.
Yesterday marked 13 years since I “left the farm”: a long marriage, 300 acres, a house that I enjoyed for its unique character. I even insisted, at that time, that our three daughters remain “at the farm” because their school and friends, 4H and familiar HOME, I thought, shouldn’t change. I’m not going to explain in a public diary WHY I felt I had to leave, but surviving the separation, and the judgement of community and family was, for the most part, HARSH. The reality of SURVIVING such a choice was many-facetted. I thought for many weeks that I would literally die, if not by my own hand, by my heart physically, literally, breaking in two. For YEARS I had lived with the sensation of great WEIGHT on my chest, tension, longing and loneliness, except when alone with my young daughters.
How can a person pine for by-gone days when the passage of time is inevitable and normal? My “new” husband, Gary, says to me, “Ah, but they’ll ALWAYS be your little girls. I would say that I have few regrets in my life, but sometimes it seems that I simply did NOT appreciate the time when I had the company of my children ENOUGH! That time is so precious, and I wish I could remember MORE.
I can’t remember if I’ve written anything since Wednesday, when Gary and I went into the city of Prince George, a teeming metropolis of 90,000. I’ll check my weblog, and will add something later. I’m off to groom a fairly large border collie cross who gets completely shaved twice per year: I LOVE my job!
Later, folks!
~Ann
